I've always chosen to put my issues on hold while I help others. I think it shows that I'm a good friend, one always willing to listen and advise those in need. I do what ever I can to make my friends happy. But perhaps thats my downfall?
I've never been good at sharing my problems with others. Maybe its because of the way I was brought up. Maybe its because, for the majority of my childhood, I didn't feel like I fit in or connected with those around me. Maybe its because I never believed my problems even came close to the dramatic lives of my friends. I've dealt with the people I care most about having eating disorders, depression, being attacked, suicide attempts, family grief.....how could my I let my silly problems effect me when they were still surviving through all of that?
But as I got older, people started coming to me less and less. I don't think it was a comment on me, but when the problems become more serious and grown up I no longer had the answers. And as you get older, maybe you feel like you should deal with stuff on your own. But I'd created this little niche for myself that was no longer needed. I was no longer needed. And suddenly, when your friends aren't sharing their problems with you anymore, it removes all possibility of sharing your own with them. How can I be so vulnerable with people who aren't vulnerable too?
My girlfriend tells me off all the time. She says I shouldn't get so involved in everyone's lives, that there are those who abuse my willingness to listen. But what she can't seem to understand is that without that use I am nothing, no-one, just another acquaintance in people's lives. I need to be needed. That is my folly.
